Baby loss support With my oldest it turns out she has a minor thing that affects 1 in 1000 of the population and wont harm her at all it's just "there" and with my second the issue turned out to be nothing. I had never imagined having an amniocentesis. And there [sighs] was a very dark patch over one, where the eye socket was, and they didn't know it, in the Edward's babies sometimes the eyes don't develop properly, or it might have been bleeding, they weren't very sure. All the time, the baby was kicking and I felt like a murderer waiting to strike her victim. In this information, the word we refers to the NHS service that provides screening. And then, so I went to my next scan, which was the 20-week abnormality scan, and we took our first child with us, I think he was 17 months old at the time. I mean the lady who was scanning was very quiet for a long time. The rarest scenario is that the baby is severely ill and choices will need to be made. Just wonder whether anyone had ever been told? I was then told yet again bad news. I remember thinking, 'that doesn't look quite right'. I was becoming numb to the whole process. She didn't want to see the baby. The weeks since that day have been very weird. She advised I be referred to the EPU to be assessed. And she sort of got up and walked out of the room and called someone in. . How was that scan different from the dating scan? For five months my body had known there was something wrong, yet I had felt fantastic. Health professionals use the 18-20 week scan to examine the baby's size and position, and also to check if his/her brain, heart, lungs and other internal organs are developing as expected. The same rush of excitement. She describes having to make a momentous decision very quickly, and the ferment of relief, guilt and grief that followed, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. And, faced with feeling sorry for myself or feeling sorry for my child, I know which I'd choose. Saturday came. Surely he couldn't have missed anything else that is so serious x. I was young, I didn't need one. And this baby sort of floated, and occasionally there was a slight movement, but it was very you could almost see that he was really poorly just from looking at the screen. Or, at the very least, heart problems. I agreed to an internal scan as the sonographer said we could get a better picture of what was happening. The week that followed was an agonising wait. I think they perhaps could have done, if they had looked a bit closely. The first words I said were: "If there's anything wrong then it's my fault", I had been working 70, nearly 80 hours the previous weeks and pushed myself hard. Except for the persistent, nagging doubts. Usually, sonographers will ask a senior sonographer colleague to confirm findings and this should be done immediately. The chances that anything bad will be discovered are v v small. 17/12/2020 17:13. I was given a leaflet and told to return four days later to see the consultant. 18-20 week scans provide clinicians with more information than earlier scans because by18 weeks a healthy baby should be larger and better developed. Next most likely (but actually in the minority) they identify something which whilst not 100% healthy is treatable. And they took us out of the scanning room, into a more quiet room while they typed up the report. Possibly with hindsight we could have been more worried about it, but was probably a good thing we weren't, because we weren't worried about anything basically. I think at that time she had come to terms better with the fact that this baby was going to be terminated, and I don't think I was quite there. The next day, it was confirmed that my bloods had again dropped. I was willing the results to be normal. Some people want to find out if their baby has one of the 11 conditions and some do not. Rather sharply, my partner tried to explain. After she had taken all the measurements, the sonographer told us that she was concerned with the length of the baby's limbs in relation to the head. I endured 12 hours of medication and in the early hours February 7, 56 days after my first scan (at nearly 18 weeks), I miscarried our babies. We just couldn't use the words. The sonographer told me to take the notes, and the scan photos with me so they could review them also. Trying to carry on as normal, working and putting on a brave face. The thing that I have a very strong memory of is this child's face in amazing detail. I had hope that the little bumps inside me were fighting just as much as I was to stay with me. We spent the next few weeks in a happy bubble. If this happens, you will be offered one further scan by 23 weeks of pregnancy. I wanted to be a passive patient while the doctor did what he had to do. We're going to go and see them. The consultant showed us the letter with our result on and, yes, there were the words "Down's syndrome". I was told this was common as my body and hormones still thought I was pregnant. I wasn't unduly worried at all. So we had to go in and out a couple of times, and we were just waiting around for ages and ages. And that was scanning up from the above the head, then you were coming up through the child's head, so you were seeing the chambers in the brain, sort of it was evident in all four chambers of the brain, then suddenly one chamber was empty. Sam squeezed my hand and told me it was ok. I was becoming numb to the whole process. But other than that everything was fine. By this time, we were tired. Read full disclaimer. I went away and came back, and she couldn't get a good picture. I believed at this point I had miscarried, they wanted me to come back I'm for a follow up scan. But I was struggling mentally with the anguish, grief and endless hospital visits. It is extremely rare for these pregnancies to reach term as they typically spontaneously miscarry early in pregnancy. I loved him instantly and didn't want to let him go. I give pregnant women dirty looks. My wife had been very, very healthy, more healthy than the first pregnancy, and of course was shattered by the fact that the news, the news was appalling, very serious faces. I just want to be normal again. But with time although we will never forget, I know we will be ok again. A few people recalled how frightened and alarmed they became when they sensed that the atmosphere in the scanning room changed in an instant from 'jokey' to serious when the baby's problems were detected. We were convinced everything would be OK. Being generous and kind generally happens only when you're happy. The scan will look in detail at your babys bones, heart, brain, spinal cord, face, kidneys and abdomen. And the doctor - because it was a doctor rather then just the, a sonographer or whatever the correct term is - was scanning my wife, and she hovered over the heart of the baby and said, 'Oh there's the heart, we'll come back to that'. And I said, I was still laughing, and I thought he was joking with me, and he said now I sort of could tell from his face that by that point he wasn't really joking anymore. b>Bad news at 20 week scan. After preparing myself to face having to take the medication. I know its hard- but i really wouldnt worry about it too much as the worry will stress you and your body out. No discussion, no quiet contemplation. Sam followed and I broke down. When I think about how long it took them to deliberate ultimately, maybe not, but it just felt like a bit of a fast food situation, didn't it? I would be put to sleep, and when I woke up I wouldn't be pregnant any more. Most hospitals do not allow children to attend scans as childcare is not usually available. I tried to keep positive. I thought I was going to burst into tears. And I felt like a murderer. And so this one can't tell you anything, it's pictures, you're going, you're going to see your baby, you're going to get pictures. Has anyone been told the wrong sex at 20 week scan? All my plans were beginning to fall down. Christmas came and went in a blur of emotion, it felt so wrong to be celebrating when we were in such turmoil. I just feel very unlucky. And at that point I don't think we, I don't think we realised that there might have to be a decision, because we'd talked about it with, with Down's and the other possible problems, but at this point it was, well okay what can be done to fix the problem - because yes the heart's not developing properly but there must be something we can do. The pain was bearable but uncomfortable, the hospital rang me a few days later and asked me how I was. Originally I hadn't wanted to go down that road. This might be uncomfortable. Several women had taken young children with them to the 20-week scan because they expected to see 'nice pictures of the baby'. Next most likely is that baby doesn't co-operate and they can't see some parts of anatomy and call you back 2 weeks later just because they couldn't see (i had this but because twin pregnancy I was due to be scanned 2 weeks later anyway). And that was a terrible moment to be sort of hanging on, waiting. It wasn't measuring at all the right measurements for the age - there was a heart defect, the limbs were sort of distorted, the arms were, you know - you could see that the arms were very sort of contracted, the hands were contracted. My partner's face was lit up, seeing the baby for the first time. That was an extremely difficult day. And, it does not occur to you in the slightest. The same sense of expectation. Eventually she got the measurements she wanted. Thanks girls, it's amazing how protected our babies are in there isn't it?! Many parents were shocked by findings from the 20-week and later scans. The scan was inconclusive, but the size of my little bump was measuring a lot smaller than it should have for 10 weeks. When he came back, he agreed on a termination. And it was then because we were at 20 weeks by this point, there was only fairly short window to actually, to get some more tests done, find out what the problems were, and then make any decisions that might have to be made. hi ladies. You get extra care and monitoring as appropriate and baby is proactively treated. But for those few days they were torture. You will be able to discuss this with your midwife or consultant. chances of bad news at 20 week scan mumsnet. My partner tried to remain calm, and at my request rang my mum. There is always a chance that a baby may be born with a health issue that scans could not have identified. She brought up a picture of the heart on the screen. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. But you could see there was something wrong? So once again we were right back down, really no, really not knowing what to expect. But before he could speak, he, too, had broken down. And I can just remember flashing a look at you as if to say, 'Have I made a mistake here somewhere? It was positive, and I felt elated. Forcing my hand to my mouth to take the tablet was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I ran into the bedroom to tell Sam, who was ecstatic. And that, that was when things where it started going a bit wrong. It is also sometimes referred to as the mid-pregnancy scan. I can feel my child kick, it responds when he shouts at football - I mean literally, this baby used to dance around whenever he'd like scream at a goal - and there cannot be anything wrong with this child because it's part of us already. Finally, Monday came and we went back to the hospital. And for that whole time, my partner and I were both crying uncontrollably. Anyway we went in for the meeting with the consultant on this particular time, and we'd got to, I was 30 weeks pregnant by then. If you are not sure, you can contact them and ask. We scattered his ashes over a bunch of snowdrops. There are no known risks to your baby or the mother from having an ultrasound scan but it is important that you consider carefully whether or not to have the 20-week scan. I felt I needed proof of what was wrong before I take such a huge decision and that I couldn't do it based on what someone had written on, on the paper. 15/02/2014 08:02. By this point I had stopped bleeding, this caused problems. However painful and traumatic the labour was, it was better than what would happen at the end of it. The anomaly scan, also called the 20 week scan or mid-pregnancy scan, is used to detect pregnancy irregularities significant in diagnosis of any of the following conditions: In most instances no serious issue will be found during the scan and many parents-to be will come away knowing that all is progressing nicely and, perhaps, having found out . The ultimate betrayal. There is more detailed information about the main conditions that are looked for during this scan on NHS.UK. Last reviewed July 2017. We had the baby cremated. Our nightmare began when I went for my 20-week scan. She wanted to have a look at the skull, which was the main thing, but she couldn't see it from where the baby was. It doesn't remove the guilt, but I don't know what else to do. Nice people shouldn't hear about what we'd done. The doctor didn't come. So I took the test and jumped in the shower. This scan takes place between 18 weeks and 20 weeks 6 days of pregnancy and is commonly called the 20-week scan. Check benefits and financial support you can get, Find out about the Energy Bills Support Scheme, NHS fetal anomaly screening programme (FASP), Screening tests for you and your baby (STFYAYB), nationalarchives.gov.uk/doc/open-government-licence/version/3, more information and details of support groups. This was on the Friday. So and you could see the exomphalus, this little pouch, which was obviously just the intestines where they are. The decision to terminate the pregnancy was my partner's and mine. I was told they needed to do a blood test to get a bench mark of my hormone levels. Abortion has never raised any moral dilemmas for me and I am an atheist, so there are no religious issues. I don't know how we got through the next couple of days. It went from bad, to worse, to worse, to dire, then to better. And I assumed my partner would feel the same. Many parents were shocked by findings from the 20-week and later scans. You have rejected additional cookies. And having read, since read my information on Edwards' syndrome, a good 85 per cent have problems with the heart. Good luck has not come easily over the past few years. This time, they discovered the baby has a two vessel cord (only one vessel from placenta to baby instead of two) and I've been monitored to make sure the baby grows properly and kidneys aren't damaged. It is also sometimes referred to as the mid-pregnancy scan . It is a noise that will stay with me for ever. So when that happened to us I really didn't worry, I thought, you know, it was literally the baby was in awkward position, they couldn't see the heart and that was why. So we decided that, to have the scan and we went along I think early in the week for that, and spent quite a lot of time with the consultant after that. She asked me how far gone I thought we were, and if I could have been mistaken.
Getting through the 20 week scan - My BabyManual So we decided to book an early 10 week private scan. For women who have been given distressing news about their baby during the scan, there should be a health professional available to provide immediate support. I have horrible thoughts. It's quite common, perhaps 1 in 10 they find these, and within a few weeks they disappear. These were said to be soft markers fo a range of trisomies, 2 of which were incompatible with life. Again, we weren't understood. The nursery I had selected for our two-year-old son; my maternity leave; the bunk beds; the summer holiday suitable for a newborn baby. But on, in the middle of March, 10th March it was, we had a 20 week scan. And they took me to another room and they explained that the baby had what they thought was ventriculomegaly or something. So I no longer trusted my instincts. So I lay on the bed and my partner sat next to me. My baby might have Down's syndrome. Specialist scans had a powerful effect on some parents because they could see the baby more clearly and in some cases people recognised which parts of the baby's body were not working properly. No sort of questions about, 'Do you want to know whether it's a boy or a girl?' The pain was excruciating, but nothing compared to how I felt inside. I want to stop having such horrible thoughts. The appointment usually takes around 30 minutes. But now that's changed. It's a bit at the back of the brain and - no I can't remember what it is - it's called, it's something that's called Dandy-Walker mal, The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) have produced a report on Termination of Pregnancy for Fetal Abnormality in England, Scotland and Wales (May 2010). I used to think the feeling of your baby kicking inside you and the sight of a foot poking against your skin were the most fantastic things in the world. In some cases concerns in utero fix themselves sometimes needs treatment. You could see her face, and the major aspect that was, that was the indication of what was wrong was the thickening at the back of the neck in this instance, which, when you're looking at a fetus is, you know, sort of half a centimetre thicker or not is completely immaterial to me, and would look like a completely normal neck, but from the point of view of the consultant was severely abnormal. The doctor or midwife looking after you will let you know before you come. Laura miscarried her twin babies in February. So on the Monday we went in to see the senior sonographer, I think she was a consultant at the hospital. They would then re-test me in two days time. Our baby was beautiful. Just doing it. You may need to have a full bladder when you come for the appointment. And shortly after that, that scan we'd finished and the consultant leant back and said, 'I'm afraid we have some problems here'. We've joined the grown-ups and we both feel very different. I didn't think my instincts were worth much. Limitations of the 18-20 week scan
It felt like a lifetime to reach our 12-week-scan. And it was Christmas Eve and at the time I didn't think, the sonographer did spend a little bit of time scanning us and queried my dates several times and then explained that she couldn't quite see the baby's heart properly and would we come back in a couple of days? My son's congenital heart defect was detected at the 20 week scan and he had 2 other markers, no . I hadn't thought about the mechanics of such a late termination, but had assumed it would mean some kind of operation. My wife turned the screen away from her. Severe chromosomal conditions such as Edwards' syndrome are now often picked up in the first trimester antenatal screening but itwill usually be more obviousat the 18- 20 week scan, though usually a firm diagnosis will not be made until one or two specialists have weighed up all available evidence about the baby - which usually means that another expert needs to scan the baby again, or until the woman has had an amniocentesis. DS had 2 soft markers: talipes (club foot) and 'echogenic locii' somewhere - heart I think. I had an appointment with my consultant 2 days later, and again he said, you know, 'Very common - shouldn't worry about it too much, you know, if, the problem is if they find anything else wrong'. The scan looks for 11 different conditions in your baby and cannot find everything that might be wrong. I came back probably about 17 weeks pregnant and had the anomaly scan at 20 weeks and like most people expected everything to be fine and to come away with a lovely picture but unfortunately that isn't what happened. Later, I did see and hold our baby. And also what the prognosis would mean for our two year old: now a very happy child, he would have a completely different childhood with such an ill sibling. Because we knew that that wasn't normal, that wasn't what we'd experienced before, it wasn't just the, 'There's the arm, there's the leg, oh look the baby's moving'. Please ask your hospital about this before your appointment. He wanted to talk about it, but I didn't. The 18-20 week antenatal scan and further tests. So we decided to book an early 10 week private scan. Some things can be seen more clearly than others. And she said that, you know, as the, if the baby did develop further there would probably be other problems with internal organs that weren't really that visible at that stage. And I wish that I'd been told at that point, that somebody had actually turned round to me and said, 'Look, I'm sorry, but I think there's something very wrong. Have I misunderstood what's going on?' I managed to tell my mum, who said she would come with us to the hospital. But they didn't. I want to enjoy my son again, without any reservations. I guess the morphine made it easier. Which is what I'd seen. (See.
Purpose of screening. And I'm glad I did and she's glad she didn't. Sometimes specialist scans such as 3D scans, or MRI scans, are used to examine the baby in greater detail. I didn't really know what that was. My partner spent the weekend trying to convince me that things were OK. And attribute some blame to them. As I waited for the doctor back on the EPU unit. Although the anomaly scan is often called a 20-week scan, you may have it any time between 18 and 22 weeks, although it's usually done between 18 and 20 weeks. To help us improve GOV.UK, wed like to know more about your visit today. Sometimes women were told that the sonographer had found a 'marker' or sign of a chromosomal condition and had to wait for an amniocentesis to confirm the findings. I popped out from work, telling my boss I'd be back in half an hour. My partner went out with him, wanting to see him. 20 week scans look for 11 different anomalies as a rule, however, indicators (markers) are not terribly reliable and in all the literature I found, the targets set for stonographers look like they only pick up around 50% or less of these variants. We need to have your opinion'. Somehow, I walked from the sofa up to the bathroom and told my partner. . But everything seemed fine and we'd been sitting waiting to see the consultant, and I'd had an examination on the bed. I took my vitamins, stuck to the healthy diet and put on a brave face. I was another one who did get bad news at the 20 week scan. So we went back the day after Boxing Day, the 27th, and the consultant greeted us, which made my alarm bells go, and she started scanning us and I think her lines were, 'What concerns me about this baby is that they've got a diaphragmatic hernia, which has meant that part of the stomach of the baby was in its chest cavity.'. It was over. Please note that the opinions expressed by users in Tommys Book of #misCOURAGE are solely those of the user, who is unlikely to have had medical training. The same anticipation. So he was about two weeks smaller than what he should have been. You may like someone to come with you to the scan appointment.
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