military aviation jokes

Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Then came Dads ships turn. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. 9. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. 30. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Military jokes - Pinterest Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? 45. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. She also liked her scotch. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Later, I spoke with Mom. Caller: OK. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. USA: Choppers I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Why arent there any insects in an Army base? It was PRIVATE. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. How much noise can we make up here? Reply: No, I say again. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. A military captain saying I was just thinking While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Because the Army needed heroes too. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. What do hungry Marines eat? Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Aviation Jokes: A military cargo pla When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Individual use is by implied consent. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . ! While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Caller: Is Sgt. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Only one. Its a NO FLY zone! Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. 3. 6. He finally comes dragging in at. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2023 Edition) - Marine Approved A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The tenant shook her head. USN: Helos 4. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. He had the same plane as yours. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Fish Food. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Read more. Whats an LMD? I asked. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. In-dough-structible In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. A LOOtenant! I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. 11. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Me: Hello? The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Aviation jokes | Key Aero If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. 35. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. 65. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. But I am public affairs, I said. Caller: Is Sgt. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. 54. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. ! Again, no reply. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. You can see why: Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Military Aviation Archives - The Aviationist When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Dont think so? Dad got quiet. SUB sandwiches! Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. 36. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Did you hear about the big accident on base? See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. 10. Air Traffic Control 6. 27. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. At least SEVEN Cs! He nodded. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. 33. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. You had tents?, USAF: Birds When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Then one day I couldnt find it. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. What would As A.J. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Caller: Do you have his right number? When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Killed bin Laden. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. Thats my wifes breast pump.. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. But I had the last laugh. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Eternal Piece As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. 1. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. An airplane! When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Altitude is life insurance. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Return to Humor Index. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. "They're all mine. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). It was sheer brilliance. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Decodes 7. Aeronautical Humor. No, we dont, she said. March forth! We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. I will take the both of you for a ride. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?.

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