we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Ill have mine draw up the paperwork for licensing fees. Its always someone elses fault. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. Iwannatalktosampson reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. the manchild gene!! Its not that fucking hard. Do you have any other questions? Steve Kellmeyer Just found out my boyfriend got another girl pregnant There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. iseeshiny lets_be_honest As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! Ill never in a million years get it. React. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. female lets_be_honest It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. He says he cant stand her? Okay, Tim. Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A But just my guess. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. Im not advocating for it, just describing whats been proposed elsewhere. Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. Let me repeat myself IT IS NOT A LOTTERY WIN. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. And, again, this is common except with those inflicted with social disorders who cant seem to not say exactly what theyre thinking. depressed, got back together, money. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. Our relationship was mostly good until we hit a rough patch towards the last year of our relationship. BGM- multiple people disagreeing with you is not necessarily a sign of needless solidarity that makes you sound paranoid. Yes, its true it is past the point. The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. Agree. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Because thats really not that old. You are upset that someone read browbeat into the word ask but you have no problem making up a whole conversation in your head in the same breath no less even though the LW was explicit. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. reader, lisa4mark+, writes (15 May 2008): A I think that it does, as most have pointed out, take two people to get pregnant. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? April 9, 2012, 10:03 pm, God, are you REALLY this dense? I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. landygirl April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. It merely reduces the chances. That fact just rubs me the wrong way. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. Posted on June 29, 2022 in gabriela rose reagan. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. Thats the risk that you take. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. If I got pregnant by a guy who begged me to have one, I would tell him if he doesnt want this child he can just fuck off and I will raise him/her but I will not kill my own child for him. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. Susie and Jimmy find themselves in the same predicament only Jimmy is thrilled because hes enlisting and being deployed overseas. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. illinois obituaries 2020 . If its dude and hes a brain surgeon or something and shes a hot part-time bartender, his child support will be assessed at an amount that will put her in decent rent, a mercedes car payment and plenty left over for nice clothes and dining out, with an occasional weekend getaway thrown in the mix. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? Dream about boyfriend got another girl pregnant - Dreams`opedia Thats shitty. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. Even when they both want the same thing. I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. Make Ford. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. If you loved him, you wouldn't toss the relationship. You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. My Ex Jumped Into Another Relationship: Why? - With My Ex Again So, ask yourself why do you allow it? April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. Hes just not ready to start a family. You wouldnt need to administer it. So of course the events are filtered through that lens. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. Run like the wind. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. at risk of STDs. Even if she was taking it appropriately (same time every day, no antibiotics interfering, etc), it still isnt 100% effective. This guy sounds like scum. Lots of it. Please. having sex with someone you dont know that well. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. SweetsAndBeats It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. She didnt sneak up in the dark of the night and steal his seed and turkey baste herself, Chuck. The timing was exactly right. . Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. And should. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. 17. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. Take this as a lesson learned. Woah. 8 Things To Think About If Your Ex Girlfriend is Pregnant lets_be_honest BUT. Before getting back together with your ex, maybe you should consider strongly whether or not you want to be with the kind of person whos angry that someone didnt abort in order to alleviate HIM of responsibility. Understand that he will not leave her for you. ago. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. And oxygen. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. She takes her pill every day at the same time. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. If there is no child at conception T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. Not me. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. 24 signs your ex-girlfriend misses you 1) She's all over your social If We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. We dont know that she asked for any money. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Niven and Pournelle, Lucifers Hammer]. People in healthy relationships dont say that. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. Im sorry, but sex creates children. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Furthest from the vagina, just saying. I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Yes, it would be nice if he were eager to become a parent. Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. I could maybe understand if he was 19 and didnt know what to do. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. STORYTIME: my boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant Privacy Policy. Do you have a law to fix that? SpaceySteph Its not some big secret that women have that option and that men are legally obligated to provide financially if she exercises that option. Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. 1. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. But still. It is scummy though. iseeshiny Will he react the same? I have a friend in somewhat related situation. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. Chuck(le) But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. So true. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. Mostly for the kid though, I think. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. Everyone is pretty much in agreement there. I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. iseeshiny Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. Grow the fuck up! So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. skyblossom People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. Blood is not everything. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. Exactly where is there a grown-up here? Man I love got another girl pregnant - Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. She has every right to be shocked and upset about the turn of the events, but the way she is reacting; blaming everything on the woman, judging her, calling HER names, is wrong and she comes off as an immature, witchy teenager. That happens. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. But woman, grow the hell up. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. Marriage to this woman would be the most stupid thing possible. What if she believes than an abortion is murder? April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying.

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